Commentary: The Fauci Who Stole Christmas

by Julie Kelly


“Every WuFlu down in WuFluville liked Christmas a lot…

But The Fauci, who lived in a very busy home-based TV studio north of WuFluville, did NOT!

The Fauci hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

(The Fauci also hated Easter, high school graduations, weddings, summer vacations, restaurants and bars, churches, college football games, Thanksgiving, and every venue of happiness and human interaction.)

Now, please don’t ask why.

No one except public health “experts” and Chris Cuomo quite know the reason.

It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.

It could be, perhaps, that his homemade face mask was too tight.

But I think the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his insatiable lust for appearances on “The View,” features in glossy fashion magazines, and his unchallenged dominance over 330 million WuFlus in WuFluville made his heart two sizes too small.”

The misery merchants of 2020, sadly, do not plan to take a much-needed Christmas break. To the contrary, they’re closing out a joyless year with more gloom, even using Jolly Old Saint Nick as a prop in their nonstop campaign to stoke panic about COVID-19, demand compliance to failed, pseudoscientific “mitigation strategies” and pimp for the new vaccine.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, who ironically turns 80 on Christmas Eve, has played the role of America’s all-season Grinch this year. Perhaps the fact his birthday falls on the same day that Santa Claus socially distances himself down the chimney gives The Fauci the right to appropriate everyone’s favorite fat man to score cheap COVID political points—and invite children to act as modern-day Cindy Lou WuFlu in his latest publicity stunt.

During a CNN interview last week, The Fauci deflated the holiday hopes of a six-year-old from Hong Kong who wanted to visit her grandparents without wearing a mask after they were vaccinated. “You still need to be careful and wear a mask,” The Fauci told the girl on December 19. “Until we get this blanket of protection over everyone, you can’t be absolutely certain that there isn’t virus there.”

It’s unclear whether The Fauci then visited her WuFlu home in WuFluville and stuffed her Christmas tree up the chimney.

Even after predictions that dead families would fill morgues across the country if relatives dared to travel or share a turkey dinner together —a command violated by his sidekick, Dr. Deborah Birx—didn’t materialize, The Fauci nonetheless is warning families not to exchange Christmas cheer. “Given the cold weather and given the fact that these types of celebrations, as wonderful and beautiful and traditional as they are, are fundamentally indoor things with people who will be singing and laughing and eating and drinking,” The Fauci cautioned as he slithered and slunk and tore the stockings off every mantle in WuFluVille.

“And THEN They’d do something The Fauci liked least of all!

Every WuFlu down in WuFluVille, the masked and the unmasked,

Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.

They’d violate social distancing.

And the WuFlu would start singing!

They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!”

After some WuFlus down in WuFluVille objected to his wonderful, awful ideas, The Fauci backpedaled insisting that it was “nonsense” to characterize his remarks as an attempt to cancel Christmas.

Every storybook villain, of course, operates with a cast of devoted acolytes; the Fauci is no exception. Gretchen Whitmer, the Democratic governor of Michigan, used a Christmas Zoom video featuring unsuspecting children to peddle more social distancing dogma. Children were forced to ask Santa Claus about mask use and whether Coronavirus was in the North Pole instead of asking for dolls and video games. Santa repeatedly lectured the kids to wash their hands. “Another way to stay safe during the holidays is to stay home but call your grandparents and your cousins and your family,” Whitmer advised the little WuFlus in WuFluVille. “It’s the safest way to tell the people you love how much you care about them.”

Then she stole all the pudding and the hash and even the roast beast.

But Whitmer isn’t alone in trying to spoil Christmas for all the WuFlus in WuFluVille. Leaders of both political parties have cancelled annual festivities such as tree-lighting ceremonies and parades; restaurants that serve as the traditional gathering site for co-workers, old friends, and long-distance relatives remain closed; grandmas living in long-term care facilities will spend yet another holiday alone and isolated. The most innovative country in the history of mankind still can’t figure out how to keep an elderly person safe while receiving life-sustaining affection from the people they love the most.

And none of it is backed by science and data, no matter how many times they shout it from the top of Mount Crumpit.

The Fauci did deliver a bit of good news about Jolly Old Saint Nick. Another 6-year-old WuFlu asked the Fauci if Santa could visit him “in coronavirus season” and would the reindeer be safe. “I took care of that for you, I was worried you’d all be upset,” the Fauci bragged on CNN. “I took a trip up to the North Pole…and I vaccinated Santa Claus myself, I measured his level of immunity and he is good to go.” One swooning CNN host gushed that Fauci “made so many children around the world so happy.”

The original Grinch, as everyone knows, did not succeed in ruining Christmas—and neither should the Fauci.

“He stared down at WuFluVille! The Fauci popped his eyes!

Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every WuFlu down in WuFluVille, the masked and the unmasked,

Was singing! Without any presents at all!

The Fauci HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!”

Will the Fauci’s heart grow three sizes to match his ego?

Doubtful. Regardless, every WuFlu down in WuFluVille should ignore Fauci and his monsters.

And make it a New Year’s resolution to do the same in 2021.

– – –

Julie Kelly is a political commentator and senior contributor to American Greatness. She is the author of Disloyal Opposition: How the NeverTrump Right Tried―And Failed―To Take Down the President Her past work can be found at The Federalist and National Review. She also has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, The Hill, Chicago Tribune, Forbes, and Genetic Literacy Project. After college graduation, she served as a policy and communications consultant for several Republican candidates and elected officials in suburban Chicago. She also volunteered for her local GOP organization. After staying home for more than 10 years to raise her two daughters, Julie began teaching cooking classes out of her home. She then started writing about food policy, agriculture, and biotechnology, as well as climate change and other scientific issues. She graduated from Eastern Illinois University in 1990 with a degree in communications and minor degrees in political science and journalism. Julie lives in suburban Chicago with her husband, two daughters, and (unfortunately) three dogs.







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2 Thoughts to “Commentary: The Fauci Who Stole Christmas”

  1. LM

    The scamdemic is not going to stop until enough people get sick of it and make it stop.

  2. Gorby

    How the Dems Stole Freedom

    (with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

    All the voters in Trumpland liked freedom alot…

    But the Democrats, who lived in DC, did NOT!

    The Dems hated freedom! They hated it bigly!

    Now please don’t ask why, we won’t find that out quickly.

    It could be their ethics and morals were shot.

    It could be, perhaps, that they smoked too much pot.

    But I think that the most most likely reason of all

    May have been that their brains were two sizes too small.


    Whatever the reason,

    The ethics or pot,

    They stood on Election Day, madder than snot,

    Staring down from the Capitol, frantic and sour

    At the voters who lined up for Trump every hour

    For they knew many voters in Trumpland out there

    Were busy now, voting for Trump, without care.

    “And he’ll get re-elected!” they snarled with a sneer.

    “His second term’s coming! It’s practically here!”

    Then they growled with the sweat dripping off of their brow,

    “We must find some way to get rid of Trump, now!”


    Tomorrow, they knew…

    …All the Trump voting slobs

    Would wake bright and early. They’d rush to their jobs!

    And then! Oh, the work! Oh, the work, work, work, work!

    That’s the one thing Dems hated! The WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK!

    Then the slobs, young and old, would sit down and they’d pray.

    And they’d pray! And they’d pray!

    And they’d PRAY!




    They would pray for forgiveness, for Jesus’s peace

    Which was something the Dems couldn’t stand in the least!

    And THEN

    They’d do something

    That really took gall!

    Every voter in Trumpland, deplorables all,

    Would stand close together, without wearing masks.

    They’d all vote for Trump. And the Dems were aghast.

    And they’d vote! And they’d vote!

    And they’d VOTE!




    And the more the Dems thought of a landslide for Trump,

    The more the Dems thought, “Let’s get rid of this chump!”

    “Why for four freaking years we’ve put up with him now!

    “We’ve got to stop Trump’s re-election!

    …But how?”

    Then, the Dems got an idea.

    An awful idea.

    The Dems got a horrible, awful idea.

    “We know just what to do!” the Dems laughed with a sneer.

    And they called up Dominion, who got it in gear.

    And they cackled and wheezed, “What a terrible blow!

    “We can steal votes from Trump so that no one will know!”

    “All we need is a puppet…”

    They hoped for good luck.

    “But if no one accepts crazy Bernie, we’re stuck!”

    But did that stop the Dems…?

    No! They said with a sigh,

    “If we can’t run a Socialist, how about this guy?”

    So they called up Old Joe. And they knew he was lazy.

    But they tried to pretend that he wasn’t too crazy.


    They put their software

    On old voting machines

    And put them in swing states.

    You know what that means.

    All the polls had been closed. There was dread in the air.

    All the counters were counting the votes without care.

    When they came to Wisconsin, they had to prepare.

    “This is state number one,” all the Democrats hissed

    And they all went inside, piles of votes in their fist.

    And they stopped all the counting, sent everyone out.

    Then they looked at the totals, and gave a big shout.

    “Donald Trump is ahead?! How could it be so?

    “These votes,” said the Dems, “are the first things to go!”

    And they changed just enough votes to Biden from Trump.

    They couldn’t fail now! They had gotten the jump!

    When the Dems were all done, they could put their own guy in.

    Then they heard a loud voice, like the roar of a lion.

    It was Sidney-Lou Powell

    Who looked down and said

    “Here comes the Kraken! Y’all are just good as dead!”


    They did the same thing

    To the other five states

    Leaving votes

    All for Biden

    In boxes and crates!

    It was early next morn…

    All the slobs still in bed,

    All the slobs watching Fox

    Thinking Trump was ahead,

    They got rid of the Trump ballots, packed up the logs!

    They got rid of the witnesess! Poisoned their dogs!

    Old Joe was the winner! He’d won in a pinch!

    They’d finally be rid of that Trump! What a cinch!

    “Too bad for the slobs!” they were happily humming.

    “They’re finding out no re-election is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! We know just what they’ll do!

    “They’ll look at Fox News for a minute or two,

    “Then the slobs down in Trumpland will all cry BOO-HOO!”

    “That’s a sound,” said the Dems,

    “That we simply MUST hear!”

    So they paused. All the Dems put a hand to their ear.

    And they did hear a sound coming up from below.

    It started in low. Then it started to grow…

    But this sound wasn’t sad!

    Why this sound sounded happy!

    It couldn’t be so!

    But it was! Very happy!

    Every voter in Trumpland, deplorables all,

    Were shouting that Trump won again after all!

    They HADN’T stopped Trump’s re-election!

    IT CAME!

    The Vice Presidnet stepped in and changed up the game!

    And the Dems, with their wine glasses clinking away,

    Stood thinking, and thinking: “What gave us away?

    “We moved all the votes! We gave them to Joe!

    “Why won’t Trump concede? Why is he so slow?”

    And they thought for three days, for they weren’t very bright.

    Then the Dems had a thought on that cold winter night.

    “Maybe freedom,” they thought, “shouldn’t make us all cower.”

    “Maybe freedom…perhaps…matters more than our power!”

    And what happened then?

    Well…in Trumpland they say

    That the President was re-elected! Hooray!

    As he re-took the oath for another four years,

    Every voter in Trumpland could cry happy tears

    And he got the economy humming! And then…

    Then he…


    Made our land Great Again.