Covenant School killer Audrey Hale, who was born a biological female but identified as a transgender male during her March 27, 2023 attack, described herself as the “most unhappy boy alive” in a journal police recovered from her vehicle.
The Tennessee Star reported on Wednesday it obtained dozens of pages from the journal Hale brought with her to the Covenant School from a source close to the investigation. In this entry, Hale described struggling with gender identity.
“A terrible feeling to know I am nothing of the gender I was born of,” Hale wrote in the entry. She continued, “I am the most unhappy boy alive. I wish to be dead.”
Later, Hale wrote, “I will be of no use of love for any girl if I don’t have what they need: boy’s body / male gender.”
Next to these remarks, Hale illustrated the words, “Everything Hurts,” which she used repeatedly throughout the journal.
While the source of Hale’s purported discomfort is unclear, musculoskeletal pain is a possible side effect of a medication The Star learned was prescribed to Hale by staff at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center (VUMC).
In addition to musculoskeletal pain, the National Institutes of Health explains side effects for that medication, the anti-anxiety drug Buspirone, include abnormal dreams, outbursts of anger, tremors, and physical weakness.
Hale was additionally prescribed Escitalopram, better known as Lexapro, and Medical News Today explains that using the depression drug with Buspirone could “increase the risk of side effects” for both medications.
It is unclear exactly when Hale wrote these remarks, as the page in her journal is used for entries on January 19, 2023, and February 6, 2023.
Hale elsewhere wrote about transgenderism in a political rant in which she claimed the United States has failed to protect the rights of gun owners, transgender people, and non-binary people.
“So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary,” wrote Hale on February 20, 2023. She later added, “Disabled have rights, civil races have rights, LGBTQ have rights, gun owners have rights.”
She also wrote an entry titled “My Imaginary Penis,” in which Hale wrote about her gender struggles and detailed sexual fantasies she expressed using stuffed animals.
“I finally found the answer – that changing one’s gender is possible,” wrote Hale in the March 11, 2023, entry. She later described simulating intercourse between a “stuffed boy doll” she named Tony and another stuffed animal over the course of hours.
“God, I am such a pervert,” wrote Hale. “I waste too much time in my fantasies.”
Star News Digital Media Inc., the parent company of The Star, and the publication’s Editor-in-Chief, Michael Patrick Leahy, have sued both the Metro Nashville Police Department (MNPD) and the FBI to compel the full release of Hale’s writings, including those that have been called a manifesto.
On Wednesday, The Star published an FBI memo sent to MNPD Chief John Drake that urged against the release of “legacy tokens” from individuals like Hale. According to an FBI definition, “legacy tokens” in this case likely include all the written materials by Hale, including those obtained by The Star and those sought in the lawsuits.
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Tom Pappert is the lead reporter for The Tennessee Star, and also reports for The Pennsylvania Daily Star and The Arizona Sun Times. Follow Tom on X/Twitter. Email tips to [email protected].
“So now in America, it makes one a criminal to have a gun or, be transgender, or non-binary,” wrote Hale on February 20, 2023. She later added, “Disabled have rights, civil races have rights, LGBTQ have rights, gun owners have rights.”
Remind me again what the T stands for?