Covenant School killer Audrey Elizabeth Hale wrote in the journal police recovered from her vehicle about her purported autism diagnosis, but also wrote that she was accused of being “bi-polar,” and divulged she struggled with eating and sleeping regularly.
The Tennessee Star confirmed on June 5 it obtained about 80 pages of Hale’s writings from a source close to the Covenant investigation, and has now published more than 40 articles that provide new details regarding the case and insight into Hale’s writings.
Hale referenced specific mental health conditions or provided details about her mental state in at least eight journal entries, beginning with an undated entry about an alleged Internet scam to which she fell victim.
“The internet is dangerous, people scam all for money. Money is filthy,” wrote Hale. She then lamented, “independence is impossible [my autism].”
Hale continued, “I hurt just about in every way possible of a mental condition from anything (possible),”
Though she was born a biological female, Hale signed this entry Aiden, which is the name she adopted after she started identifying as a transgender man sometime after March 2020.
A few pages later, Hale wrote in her journal, “Love cannot be real if my autism is. Love cannot exist or fails to in this realm.”
The final mention of autism in Hale’s journal appeared underneath an entry dated March 8, when the killer wrote of her desire to see a “trans doctor” because her “female gender role makes me want to not exist.”
At the bottom of this entry, Hale wrote, “My therapist now is the best I could get 4 help. My autism.”
Under this text, Hale drew images of three puzzle pieces that appear to represent the universal symbol for autism, but also drew a cartoon of a crying boy.
After Hale aborted her plans to commit a mass shooting on January 17, she wrote entries declaring herself “unstable” and blaming her “anxiety” for her inability to kill innocents.
“I guess I’m a p**** or my anxiety is too high.” Hale wrote, “Can’t sleep well. Racing thoughts.”
Later in the same entry, she wrote, “too sad [and] anxious [right now]. Not enough anger. Guess the time wasn’t right… yet.”
Hale also mentioned “anxiety” in her final, “death day” entry dated March 27, 2023, the date she selected for her devastating attack on the Covenant School that claimed the lives of three 9-year-old students and three adult staff members.
“My only fear is if anything goes wrong. I’ll do my best to prevent any of the sort.” Hale then wrote, in parenthesis, “God let my wrath take over my anxiety.”
In other entries, Hale did not mention a mental illness by name, but wrote about her mental status or feelings.
Hale wrote in an undated entry, which may have been written around January 16, “My mind is creative, brilliant, but a living hell all the same.”
In a densely written entry titled “My Brain… This Life,” Hale seemed to indicate on February 7 that she was also having difficulty eating and sleeping regularly.
“I can’t sleep right. I can’t eat right. My brain taunts me. My thoughts are a never ending abyss. A dark one,” wrote Hale. She later continued, “People have trouble accepting me in their lives [because] I’m difficult to understand. I’m just too different.”
Hale also wrote that she considered herself brilliant, and seemed to frame her mental anguish as the price of such intellect.
“It be better to be average [and] have friends,” wrote Hale. She added, “the most brilliant people suffer the most and are the most isolated from everything they love.”
While Hale only seemed to suggest in journal entries that she suffered from both anxiety and autism, in one entry Hale claimed she was accused of being “bi-polar,” likely referencing Bipolar Disorder, which was previously known as Manic Depression.
“I’ve been anxious all last week, all day today [stressed] then I’m told I’m bi-polar by some prideful b****,” wrote Hale.
The Star has additionally obtained police documents which show Hale was a 22-year mental health patient at VUMC, beginning treatment in 2001, and was referred for commitment in 2019 but instead participated in a VUMC Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP).
Hale was also prescribed at least five medications, including three anti-anxiety drugs and an anti-depressant.
Star News Digital Media, Inc., which owns and operates The Star, and editor-in-chief Michael Patrick Leahy are both plaintiffs in the lawsuits which seek to compel both MNPD and the FBI to release Hale’s full writings, including those some call a manifesto.
Earlier this month, The Star published an FBI memo sent to MNPD Chief John Drake in May 2023 that “strongly” advised against releasing “legacy tokens” about killers like Hale, and an FBI definition suggests the agency considers both the writings obtained by The Star and those sought in the lawsuit unfit for public release.
The FBI declined to confirm it sent the memo in a statement to The Star, but confirmed it sends such “products” to local law enforcement.
Since receiving Hale’s journal and a tranche of documents related to the Covenant investigation, The Star has published more than 40 articles on the subject.
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Tom Pappert is the lead reporter for The Tennessee Star, and also reports for The Pennsylvania Daily Star and The Arizona Sun Times. Follow Tom on X/Twitter. Email tips to [email protected].
Image “Audrey Elizabeth Hale” by Nossi School of Fine Art
